Well now that baby girl is 7 weeks old (Yes I know… crazy) I am feeling 100 times better! I had my postpartum check yesterday and every thing has healed up nicely! I started working out this week and it’s been wonderful and horrible at the same time. I love that, just worked out, sore feeling but I am definitely out of shape. It’s going to be a long hard process to get to where I want to be but I know it will be worth it! Plus there is something so therapeutic and rewarding about exercise.
I started exercise one on Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. I do it right after I feed Blair in the morning while she plays on her met. I kid you not, girl friend spends half the time staring at me with the most judgmental look on her face. Pretty sure she thinks I am nuts for jumping around.
Yesterday while waking down the halls of the doctors office I said to Garren, “LOOK HOW FAST I CAN WALK!” No more waddling (and limping) for this Mama! His response was, “What you mean regular speed?” Rude.
The ligaments around my pelvis are still having issues and I go through spurts of horrible pain and an inability to walk. Luckily they are starting to get further apart and I can tell it’s healing.
I did deal with the baby blues as most mothers do but I am feeling really great now. I am still incredibly homesick though. Something about having my baby girl here has made me homesick for the first time in my life. I have always been one to move around and be up for the next adventure but my heart aches knowing our families are missing Blair grow up. I know we only have one more year out here, and we will definitely make the most of it, I just miss our families. We are very blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives.
New England is home to the eternal winter. I am dying over here. Being cooped up in this apartment can make you go a little crazy. It’s just too cold to bring Blair out though. Luckily one of my good friends out here had a baby girl a month after me (even though she was only due a week after me…. poor girl is a trooper) and we have weekly “play dates”. Yes they are more for us than for our babies but look how stinking cute they are!
I think Blair and I are finally getting a hold on this breastfeeding business. It no longer hurts and she latches like a pro. I have yet to learn how to do this while covering up though. I seriously need to learn this because I go into panic mode when we are out and about and she starts to get hungry. We drop everything and just go home because it’s too stressful. I think part of the stress is the nursing cover I have been trying to use is basically a tent and just feels impossible to maneuver in. I just bought a nursing scarf because it looks a lot easier to use so wish me luck! I really want to get this figured out because I would like to start going to all of church (opposed to just Sacrament meeting) after she gets her vaccinations in 2 weeks. If any moms out there have any tips on public breastfeeding PLEASE share. I am struggling!
I really am so spoiled, Blair is such a good baby. She only wakes up to eat once at night and goes right back to sleep. I am getting way more sleep now than I did when I was pregnant but motherhood is exhausting. By 8:00 pm I am done for the day. I can feel myself falling asleep while standing! Unfortunately Blair has declared bedtime to be 11:00 pm so I have to push it through those 3 hours.
Garren has been wonderful, as always. When he gets home from school he takes Blair and lets me take a nap, or a shower, or do whatever else it is that I want to do. Honestly though I love being a mom. I love cuddling my sweet girl and seeing her change and become more aware of her surroundings. There have been a few brief moments (especially during Blair’s witching hour) that I miss when it was just Garren and I. I feel guilty the second I think that, and have shed tears from feeling like a horrible mother, but marriage definitely changes once you have a baby and alone time is non existent! We are all learning and doing the best we can.
I have been having a lot of nightmares about being pregnant again, or about my labor and delivery. It may seem a little dramatic to a lot of people, but I feel pretty traumatized from the whole ordeal. Hearing the word pitocin literally makes my heart race and my hands shake. It will definitely be at least a couple of years before we do this all again! I don’t know how people have a newborn and a toddler. It literally sounds impossible. MOMS ARE TOUGH! My hat is off to all of you :)