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A Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit

Yesterday in church we listened to a beautiful talk on the importance of having a Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit. This is not a new concept for me, as it’s sprinkled throughout the scriptures, however, the speaker’s perspective got my wheels turning.

My heart has been broken many times. I am a “wear your heart on your sleeve” kind of girl and it’s been crushed through my short life so far. Break-ups, the passing of loved ones, and most recently with my parents divorce.  While this heartache does strengthen my desire to grip closer to my Father in Heaven’s love, I have realized this is not the “broken heart” the scriptures are referring too.

3 Nephi 9:20 says, “And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the HOly Ghost, even as the Lamanites, because of their faith in me at the time of their conversion, where baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost, and they knew it not.”

When I read, “and ye shall offer,” I realized a broken heart is very much an action we preform, not a trial that happens to us. When we think of “house breaking” a family pet, we are literally breaking them of a habit so that they can comfortably reside within our home. Having a broken heart is simply breaking down the barrier of our heart and letting God in. It’s admitting we have human flaws, we make mistakes and we need  His mercy and love.

A contrite spirit is a little more straight forward. It’s having a spirit that is remorseful for the mistakes we make, the people we hurt, and the selfishness that finds it’s way into our lives. When it comes down to it, having a broken heart and contrite spirit is about obtaining a humble and giving way of life. Aligning our desires with the will of God. Christ is literally the epitome of these attributes. He gave his life to us, both while alive and in his death. His will was only that of his Father’s. I will forever be in awe of my Elder Brother for his sacrifice and strength, but most importantly of his life. His spirit of charity is something I pray to emulate, even in the small percentage I may be able to obtain while here on earth.

 

In other news, I am officially a Graduate School Widow. Garren started his first day of Physical Therapy School this morning. I am so lucky to be married to a man who works so hard and is determined to take care of me and our family. I won’t lie, after the past two weeks of being completely spoiled with his presence, I was more than a little sad to see him go. I am so excited for this new adventure and will do my best to enjoy every minute of it. This is a very big year for us! I even woke up at six this morning to make him breakfast, and maybe forced him to hold up this sign. He is a very good sport.

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Seriously can’t get enough of his cute face.

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Better shot of the sign

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Baby Red: Weeks 14, 15, and 16

Weeks 13, 14 and 15

Weeks 14, 15, and 16

Thoughts: The past three weeks have been a whirl wind of craziness. Week 14 we were packing up, loading the trailer and Garren and Jerry took off for their cross country drive. Consider the amount of morning sickness I struggled with (and the amount I now have to use the restroom) we decided it was best for me to fly. I flew out about 2 weeks ago. My first order of business was finding a doctor. I talked to different women at my church, and one gave a RAVING review about Bedford Commons. So I went an made an appointment. My first appointment out here will be September 4th. 2 weeks away. I will probably do another post after the appointment. :)

Dr. Appointments: I guess I just answered this above. I will tell you that just walking into my new doctor’s office to make an appointment, made me feel like it was the right choice. Hopefully I am able to get the same kind of Doctor/Patient relationship as I had in Utah.

Baby: So baby is now about 4-5 inches long and weighs 3 ounces. So still very tiny. I read that while our baby hasn’t opened their eyes quite yet in the womb, they can “sense” light. We will hopefully find out the gender soon after our appointment on September 4th. Fingers crossed we can make the ultrasound for September 13th.

Weight: Still down the 14 pounds I lost, but I do have a little bump now. Non maternity pants aren’t the most comfortable.

Symptoms: At 14.5 weeks my morning sickness completely stopped. I am beyond grateful for this. It has made getting to spend these two weeks with Garren before he starts PT school that much more amazing! I will have random bouts of nausea but nothing close to how bad it was the first trimester. Unfortunately my migraines have made a reappearance. In all honesty though I would rather deal with my migraines than the morning sickness. I do get some round ligament pain but nothing to bad.

Movement: Sometimes I think I feel a tiny movement, but I have absolutely no idea what I am looking for. I can’t wait until I know, without doubt, I actually felt out baby move and even better for Garren to be able to feel the baby move. It makes me smile ear to ear just thinking about it. He is already such an amazing Dad and I love sharing this experience with him.

Cravings/Aversions/Eating: This has been about 100 times better than when I last posted. Plus I am on the east coast with fresh lobster at my disposal. YUM. Oddly enough I am mostly craving bean and cheese burritos, grapes, and milk. I still have a major aversion to chocolate, which hurts my heart greatly.

Sleep: My insomnia is not as bad, but I will sometimes get up 10 different times to pee in the middle of the night. It’s incredibly annoying. My doctor in Utah said my tilted uterus and tiny sized bladder (ultrasound technicians always comment on how small it is) makes for a bad combination while pregnant. Pregnancy already causes more frequent trips to the bathroom, I just get a few more added in ;) I am still sleeping on my stomach but not as much. My body pillow has already proven to be handy.

Workouts: I am still doing yoga every day. We now live on the third floor of the building so you can add stairs into my every day routine! I have been trying to do a lot of squats and lunges as well, as they say doing those through out pregnancy helps with labor. Yesterday we went swimming which I loved. I will definitely be adding that into the mix. Since we are exploring this new city of ours we have been walking a lot too. Really I feel great, but by 7 I am usually wiped out!

Random: Pretty sure I am horrible at these pregnancy updates. I honestly just don’t really know what to say. The symptoms may sound negative but I love being pregnant. I love knowing I am already taking care of this tiny life inside of me. It gives me a greater sense of purpose. I know this child is a complete gift from God and I will take all of the bad symptoms that come with it. I can’t wait to know the gender of this baby. We do already have names picked out. Finding a girl name we both love was hard but I love the names we have chosen. We wont be announcing the name until baby is born though. We are taking a poll on gender so give us you guess on boy or girl for Baby Red!

 

 

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Welcome to Our New Apartment

So this post is mostly for my family members who have been begging for pictures :) Nothing to exciting, but I love our new little apartment!

 

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So this is just as you come around from the entrance. I love that I can “buzz” people in. It makes me feel powerful.

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Standing in the living room looking at our new table and chairs. Peeking into the kitchen

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Half the living room.

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Our new dressers ( the deals Garren found on craigslist are astounding) and clothes Garren doens’t know where to put…. ;)

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Kitchen

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Other half of the living room

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Hallway into the bedrooms and bathroom

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King size bed… best thing ever.

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Baby room has a bunch of stuff in it right now… Can’t wait to find out the gender so I can work on it!

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Bathroom

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Other half of bathroom

 

I can’t believe I have been here for a week now!! Garren starts school in a week (and two days) and my first doctor appointment out here is in 2.5 weeks. Tonight Garren and I are going to a New Hampshire Fisher Cats game. It’s minor league baseball. I feel like I am on vacation because all we have done the last week is have fun! (oh and unpack…. but I think that is fun….)

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Boston Temple

On Tuesday we had the opportunity to go to the Boston Temple with Jerry and Garren’s Grandparents. The temple is always a wonderful experience, and this was no different. The Boston Temple is hidden by tons of gorgeous tree’s. It took my breath away. The new endowment video was played during the session. It was simply gorgeous. The same… yet a completely different experience.

 

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After the temple we went to the Yankee Lobster Company (courtesy of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives) for some delicious lobster meals and then sadly had to take Jerry to the airport. I honestly don’t know what we would have done with out him here for the past week. We definitely have a great family/support system!

The apartment is officially upacked. I am in love with it :)

I have officially started Baby Red’s first nursery project. I have a feeling it will take the rest of the 5 1/2 months I have left. I am making a tree that will be made completely out of cut up toilet paper rolls and hot glue. Wish me luck ;)

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Welcome to New Hampshire

I have been here at total of 48 hours and I am already in love! Saturday night they picked me up at the airport and we went out to an amazing Greek place. Garren has been missing his Gyro’s so this was the third time they have gone that week! I feel asleep right after unpacking and putting away all my clothes.

Sunday I woke up pretty early and unpacked the living room. We had church at 1:00 so I had the time to spare. Church was amazing. The entire ward was so friendly. We have been invited to several different homes for dinner, and next Sunday we will be eating at the Bishop’s house. I have never felt more welcomed in my life. Plus I got some good suggestions on doctors! I have my first doctor appointment

on September 4th. Then we can hopefully set up a time to learn baby red’s gender :)  After church Jerry and Garren were amazing! They hung up all of our pictures. I think hanging pictures should always be a top priority. They are what make a space feel like a home.

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Today Garren took me down to his school so that I can see it. The building is absolutely gorgeous and right on the river! He is going to love it :)

Standing next to the Merrimack River

Standing next to the Merrimack River

 

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Garren’s home for the next 2 years!

Tomorrow we are going to the Boston Temple, the Yankee Lobster Company (yum) and to drop Jerry off at the airport so I will post then as well!

 

 

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Home

You know that sang, “Home is where the heart is”? I just learned first hand how true this is.

Garren and Jerry left Monday afternoon, hauling all our “stuff” to Manchester. They are making amazing time and will be there in about 3 hours.

Sybil pulling the trailer like a champ, and two (still enthusiastic) drivers ;)

Sybil pulling the trailer like a champ, and two (still enthusiastic) drivers ;)

Last night, as I was having another bout of pregnancy induced insomnia, I had the thought, “I want to go home.” I realized instantly that I was referring to New Hampshire. A place I have never been. Why? Well that is where my husband is. I literally associate my home with him. Garren is all I need to feel at home no matter where our life may take us. I feel so comforted and at peace with my life for this very reason. Our marriage isn’t perfect, we both make mistakes daily, but the foundation we base our life on is. Serving one another, other people around us, and most importantly God, has helped us see the bigger picture in life.  It’s opened my eyes to to the true meaning behind “home”.

As a child I moved. A. Lot. Four different states and far to many houses to count by the time I was 15 years old. I use to be so jealous of friends who had literally lived in the same house their whole life. I craved that stability and sense of who I am and where I come from. Now I know, no matter where I live, my home will be the same for the  decades of years to come. My home will forever be next to Garren. I realize this is getting sappy, and I am crying just thinking about this. (Pregnancy has made my already horrible crying “reflex” even worse)

In other less emotional news, the second trimester is already BY FAR better than the first. I am still lacking some energy but my nausea is much better. I still feel sick, especially if I go long without food. I am rarely throwing up any more though. This has been greatly appreciated. I will probably do another pregnancy post in a few weeks.

Garren starts Physical Therapy school on August 26th. I love seeing how excited he is. We are both so blessed to have the opportunity to follow our dreams. (I am ecstatic about being a stay at home mom) He is such a hard worker and I know he will excel at this new challenge in his life! While it’s easy to think about life after grad school; after school loans and late nights studying, I am excited for this new chapter in our lives and plan to make the most out of each and every day.

 

Three days until I go HOME. :)

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The Dreaded Pregnancy Posts ;)

I wont be doing these weekly… as I know I just wont get around to it but I do want to do them monthly at least!

0-13 Weeks Pregnant

11weeks

About 12 weeks…. All bloat bump… haha hopefully bloat turns into baby before too long :)

Thoughts: We found out we were having a baby when I was 3 weeks and 5 days pregnant (that’s pretty dang early…. I was maybe obsessed with peeing on sticks….) so it feels like it has taken FOREVER to get to this point! So far during this pregnancy I have had to constantly remind myself to calm down and just have faith that this baby is fine. With my miscarriage hanging over my head I had a really hard time at first. Luckily I have the most optimistic husband in the world and he has done so much to keep me calm. We are already so in love with this baby.

Dr. Appointments: I have seen my doctor three times now. I LOVE my doctor. I am so sad I will have to find a new one in New Hampshire. I tried to get him to move to NH as well but he wasn’t going for it. Baby measures right on target every time. We had our first ultrasound at 6 weeks and the heart had literally just started beating and was at 102 bpm. A week later baby’s heart rate was at 140bpm. Then at 10 weeks baby’s heart was at 170bm and was wiggling around like crazy. Finally yesterday baby seemed so much bigger and kind of looked like s/he was dancing around. Heart beat was 154 bpm.

Baby: Baby is growing right on target. There is a strong healthy heart beat as read above. We wont find out the gender for another 8 weeks or so. We both kind of are leaning towards a boy, but we will be shocked either way :) I have a very tilted uterus so its not possible to use a Doppler to find babies HB yet…. I want to remember this for future pregnancies because prior to learning this little fact about myself we had 5 terrifying minutes of waiting.

Weight: I have lost a total of 14 pounds, which I am ok with ;)

Symptoms: My pregnancy has been pretty text book. At 6 weeks my morning sickness kicked in full force. I have been pretty sick, but it’s just a reminder that baby is doing well. The worst is taking my prenatal vitamin (I throw up every time which seems to defeat the purpose) and brushing my teeth in the morning. I heard that you will either get more or less headaches during pregnancy. As a person who suffers from chronic migraines this seriously scared me. I use to get them at least once, sometimes as often as three times, a week. I feel so blessed that I have had a total of TWO since finding out I am pregnant. My restless legs are at an all time high. It’s pretty bad, as is my insomnia but I can deal with those things. This is tmi but I want to remember for future pregnancies, constipation in pregnancy is real and it is horrible. I have been put on Zofran and Phenergan for nausea. The Zofran doesn’t work, but thankfully Penergan works a little better :)

Movement: Baby IS moving but is still too small for me to feel. That will come in the 4-6 weeks. I am so excited to feel my little one move.

Cravings/Aversions/Eating: Basically the only thing I want to eat is cereal (frosted mini wheats to be exact) and chicken sandwhiches. I have absolutely no appetite and I eat only to keep myself and baby alive. Seriously. Eating is the worst.

Sleep: My insomnia is pretty bad, I usually don’t fall asleep until around 3 am, and then proceed to sleep until 11 am the next day. I am blessed to be able to do this right now, but seriously need to fix my sleeping schedule. I am still sleeping on my stomach and am not looking forward to when I can’t…. I see body pillows in my future!

Workouts: I am doing yoga every day, more for my emotional health than physical but it is helping my lower back pain (Previous tailbone injury is giving me grief) I wish I was at least walking, but I have to be with in a short run of the bathroom to throw up. Hopefully the end of my morning sickness is coming up!

Random: I am so excited to get to New Hampshire and start working on a baby nursery! Oh and P.S. Sneezing can bring on round ligament pain …. Which sometimes feels like my uterus is being ripped in half. SUPER fun ;)